to everything there is an end?

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I know I just posted a little bit ago, but I had something happen tonight that struck me and just had to share. My son Cole has a toy that is his most prized possession ever. It’s Piggy, his stuffed pig that he’s had since he was two. It’s definitely seen better days and has even had the stuffing replaced, but Cole loves him. Tonight he was beating on Piggy, and I told him that if he wanted to treat his toy like that, Piggy might have to go to a home where he is appreciated. That instantly set off the waterworks. I tried to explain that he needs to love Piggy and take care of him, so he can have Piggy for a long time. Unfortunately, all he heard was Piggy would be gone. He kept telling me that I was going to take Piggy away, and I kept assuring him that Piggy wasn’t going anywhere.

just a boy and his pig

We were up in the bathroom, and in the middle of brushing his teeth, Cole asked me if I was going to take Piggy away. “No, Cole,” I said, “Piggy will never go away. He will always be with you.” “Will he be with me when I’m 100?” he asked. “Yes, Piggy will even be with you when you’re 100.” “Will you be with me when I’m 100?” “No, Cole, I will not.” He got a really sad look on his face, and I blurted out, “Wait, yes, I will be with you.” His reply – “No you won’t. You’ll be dead.” And if you thought the tears were flowing from his eyes before when he thought about losing Piggy, you should have seen the poor kid after he said this. I grabbed him and squeezed his so tightly, and I couldn’t help the tears flowing down my face. I tried to not let him see these, but I think I was unsuccessful. I did my best to explain that no matter what, he was always my baby and I’m always his mom and I will always be with him, even if I’m not right here. I think it was way too deep for a four-year-old, but I was trying.

Now they’re in bed, and I have time to think more about what Cole said. It’s something that no parent likes to think about, the fact that their children will one day be without them. I know they will grow up and move on, but thinking about their life without me in it? I like to think that they will always need me, no matter how old they are, just like I need my parents. The thought of not being able to be here is heartbreaking. And I need them too. It doesn’t matter how upset or frustrated or stressed out I get with them; I always love them more than anything. They are my babies and I am their Mommy and that never ends. Piggy won’t be with Cole when he’s 100, but you can bet my love will.

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