it doesn’t come naturally

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I debated whether or not to write this post on account of what people might think, but I’m just going to do it. I am sure I am not the only mom that feels this way.

Weekends like I just experienced remind me that I don’t think I was born to be a mother. I am not saying I don’t like being a mom or would give it up, but it just doesn’t come naturally to me, which is very frustrating. Mothering my kids is very hard work, especially having to mother them in a divorced situation where rules are different at each house. I am envious of moms who say they are so exited to spend weekends with their child/children after the work week because I have come to dread them, knowing it is going to be a non-stop, sassy-mouthed, tattletaling, free-for-all brawl. I count the hours until bedtime when I can finally have a few minutes of quiet without screaming, fighting, and wrestling. I feel like I have no patience for all of that, and once the kids start going crazy, I have a meltdown instead of being creative and thinking of a way to diffuse the situation. I snap, they get upset, and then we are all crying.

I don’t like to fail at things. No, let me clarify, I absolutely hate to fail at anything. I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember, even to the point where I won’t try new things if I don’t think I will do well at them. There are times when I feel like I fail at being a mom. I yell too much, I get easily frustrated, and I have expectations that are probably too high. I am not imaginative, and I have a hard time just playing with them. I worry about how my kids are going to turn out with my sometimes shoddy attempts at motherhood, and it makes me a little sad.

But then I realize that I can’t be all that bad. If I didn’t care about my parenting and how it would affect my kids, I wouldn’t be writing this. I wouldn’t be sitting here feeling bad that I can’t be a more patient, creative, or fun mom, and I definitely wouldn’t think that I need to do something to improve it. And that is the great part – I am not stuck. I can be a better mom; it would just take work. After all, we can’t be good at everything.

(I thought I was done writing, but I saw a friend post this on FB and had to share it with this post. If you’re a parent, especially a mom, you should read it: The Change of Life http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/change-of-life_b_2443691.html).

 

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7 responses »

  1. This was a really great blog post that I think we can all identify with. The media along with social media has set up unrealistic/unattainable ideals of the perfect mom. It’s a yard stick that few of us can meet. At the end of the day, what matters is that you love your kids, put them first and do the best you can. When your kids are grown, do you think they will care/remember if you made the cute cupcakes for their class or if you stopped at the store to pick some up? Or if you searched for hours online for art projects vs. letting them use their imagination to find way to keep themselves busy. Take comfort in knowing you are doing the best you can – and you survived another weekend!

  2. I have to say that I think you are a great Mom. I honestly don’t know how you do it with 4 kids and on your own. It’s incredible. You do so many fun things with your kids that most don’t.

    I think it was 2 weeks ago on How I met your mother (not sure if you watch or not) but Ted was basically professing his love for Robin to Lily (who is engaged to his best friend, Barney) and then Lily says she is therefore going to give him an out by saying something that is even more awful. She tells him that sometimes she wishes that she wasn’t a mom, and she wants to pack a bag at the middle of the night and not come back. He asks Lily if she is serious about what she said, and she says that she loves being a mom and loves Marvin too, but art had been a big part of her life before and there’s no time for it now. She spends every day with kids at work and it’s the same when she goes home. I LOVE that Lily said that and that the show played that episode. I think people forget how hard being a Mom can be.

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