the pursuit of happiness

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my favorite gift this year, courtesy of my sister sarah

Did you make a New Year’s Resolution? I did. It is one that is quite simple yet complicated at the same time. I want to be happy.

You may be asking yourself, “Well, you seem happy. Aren’t you?” The answer is no. I have moments that have made me truly happy, bright spots of hope that shine out, but, as a whole, I am not. I have been living with a mindset that I don’t quite measure up, that I’m not good enough, that if I could be just a little less “me” it might be better, and that has beaten me down. It has impacted the way I deal with relationships, parenting, and my own personal issues. But that will change this year.

So how do I go from feeling worthless to happy? It begins with taking the scary step of reevaluating what I want in my life and making changes. It takes a moment of selfishness, which, for a person who is used to taking care of everyone else’s needs first, is hard to do. It also means letting go of past mistakes and not letting them define me. I am so much more than a marriage certificate, four birth certificates, and a divorce decree. Lastly, it means holding true to what I value and prioritize.

If you are wondering what that is, the answer is family. My greatest accomplishment won’t be something I do at work or for the community; it will be raising my family to be strong, independent, caring, and responsible people who also value family above all things. I also need to be with others who share that same value. At the end of the day, all I want is to come home to my family and know I am loved and appreciated more than anything, without so much as a hint that I don’t deserve it. And I know it will happen.

Best wishes for a successful and, most importantly, happy 2014!

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4 responses »

  1. Pingback: Editing My Story | Go Run Jess

  2. Pingback: My Goals For 2014 : The Frolicking Fells

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